The Begining

** The information in this blog is parts of a book that the author is sharing for feedback.  No information can be copied without the author’s permission.

I come to you with a message and know I am the vessel for this greatness I have found.  To appreciate the words I speak, you must hear my story.  I am no more special than you, if anything, I crawl out of the darkness covered in mud and despair.  Through my desperation, I prayed for something to bring me peace inside.  Full of anxiety and fear, I walked through my days a shell of a person.  In my desperation, I decided to try and verbalize my need for help.  After all, I had nothing else to try because nothing else had helped relieve my pain and anguish.  I prayed out loud every day at least five times a day, “May the grace of God shine down on me”.  I began to search in other people for my answers but I could not talk to anyone without crying.  Communicating my thoughts was a challenge because I couldn’t identify with what I was feeling.  I knew that I had lost my motivation to live.  I couldn’t be with other people yet I couldn’t be alone.  My body shook all the time from the anxiety that became a part of my everyday life.  I had a difficult time getting through the moment, let alone the day. 

I was going through treatment for breast cancer, addiction and divorce all at the same time.  My life was at a crossroads with little hope down any path.  It was all I could do to get up in the morning and make myself go to work.  The only thing that kept me going were my children who needed their mother.

 On March 15, 2013 I had an experience that changed my life.  I was in a thrift store trying to help a little old woman get a picture that was stacked against the wall behind a lot of other pictures.  She was so unusual with a cane on each side that had handles wrapped around her wrists.  She wore a Dr. Seuss-looking grey hat.  She was loud and obnoxious as she ordered me to get a picture from the back of the stack.  It was a large painting and it was heavy.  I did not look at what the picture was and did not care about anything at that time.  The woman began yelling at me, “there are words on the bottom” and she told me to read the words.  I said that I could not see the words because they were so small.  She yelled, “Get down there and read the words and read them loud because I can’t hear good”.  I had to get on my hands and knees to see the words that read, “The grace of God shines on Thine”.  As I read the words, I began to feel something inside of me stirring.  I looked at the painting that was of a church with the sun shining through some trees and I began to cry.  I looked up at the woman who was still waving her cane at me and I realized that Something Greater was at work for me to have such an experience.  The woman did not know that I had been praying this prayer for several weeks now and here I was on my hands and knees reading my prayer in a painting with a rude little woman standing above me ordering me around.  As I tried to get up off the floor, my whole perspective on my life changed within an instant.  I was in a dream state as I tried to process what was happening.  I felt as if I was floating as I made my way home that night. 

The next morning, I felt a presence around me that began talking to me.  I was told to write a book with the title “In the Mind of Something Greater”.   On March 16, 2013 I began writing what I heard in my head and knew that what I wrote was my responsibility to share with others. The voice was strong in my mind and it gave me knowledge that I could not have acquired by myself.  It wakes me up in the middle of the night with the urgency to write with no consistency to when this will happen or for how long I will write.   My writing changes as my awareness grows.  “I”, “We” and “You” are all used interchangeably.  There are times in my writing that I cannot do anything but write and when I go back to read it “you” is written regardless of my attempts to keep this information just about me.  There are times that the voice inside my head becomes so strong, my words are written from the “I” perspective when the information is from Something Greater than myself.

 The knowledge I have been given has changed me forever as my words have led me to a greater understanding about life.  I have the ability to combine the physical world and the spiritual world and there is perfect order in this process.  The key to it all is within each of us as we have the ability to bring heaven into our everyday world. 

 As I write, I read the words over and over and know that Something Greater is at work in my life.  I now see that there is no secret to this knowledge, we just forgot and now our fears block us from the truth. I am now like the hungry bear waking up from a winter sleep.  I share my story that I receive from Something Greater.  The source of this knowledge is within me and cannot be found in the world.  My thoughts and emotions are the key to this process.  If my thoughts are full of negativity, I will not understand.  If my emotions are full of fear, I cannot understand.  If I take the two and balance them for my foundation, I will grow with the knowledge that my emotions bring Something Greater into me and change my thoughts for my spiritual awakening. Through this process,  I discovered that my emotions are my link to Something Greater and if I listen, I will see the changes all around me as I prepare for the reality of what I am inside. 

 My message is one that many throughout history have shared.  I only elaborate on how I reached this level of understanding for myself.  I had to go through many emotions to find my heaven on earth and each emotion brings me one step closer to this awakening.  I now understand what the battle between the darkness and the light is all about.  It is within me.  My fears block me from the truth and with each barrier I break through, more understanding emerges.  I reflect Something Greater in human form.  Freewill is given for my uniqueness to express my interpretation of Something Greater in a way that only I can do with these choices. 

 Even though my experiences may be different than yours, the end result is the same.  I am in the mind of Something Greater in physical form.  With each passing day, as I seek for more knowledge in this process, I see the world around me changing into an exciting place, full of wonder and awe. The homeless man on the street corner now represents a part of me.  The people in my life that causes me stress and difficulty now force me to look at what part of myself needs to change.  The rain now symbolizes a reflection of my emotions.  I see myself in all around me.  The times I thought I was helping someone else has turned into the realization that I really helped myself.  The relationships that caused me so much pain has turned into the understanding that I was really working through the fears within myself.  I came to the realization that all I went through in my life was necessary for my understanding to reach the next level of my consciousness.  Everything around me holds new meaning now.  Even the dragonfly that appears is now symbolic of the transformation I am going through as a result.  My belief of the perfection of this process brings me messages in everything around me.  Speaking my truth brings my thoughts and emotions into my reality.  As I seek every day for more understanding, more is revealed to me.

This is my journey into the other worlds through desperation and hope that there is Something Greater out there.  I see changes in my understanding of what the darkness and the light is inside of all of us.  The evil is the fear that turns into the ability to intentionally take away another person’s ability to grow.  To repress another person’s progress is the greatest of all sins and the fear turns into a cesspool of misery for all those involved.

I have learned that the world around me responds to my thoughts and feelings and will travel through space and time in attempts to create whatever I think and feel.  The times I question why things are happening to me and think someone else has done something harmful to me, I find lessons in these experiences with a greater understanding as to why things occurred the way they did for me.  I have learned that sometimes things were taken from me so I could replace them with a new found understanding for who I am becoming.  My reflections of the things that have occurred have turned into a sadness of what I was and what I am no longer and at the same time, I find a new appreciation for what I am becoming. 

Without the darkness, I could not see the light.  I had to reach up from this darkness of despair to find that the light of happiness was always there.  I struggle on a daily basis to understand this new level of awareness.  I am accepting that I will not be able to comprehend the greatness of the source that lies within me.  It is difficult at times for me to understand why this knowledge was given to a scared and miserable person such as myself.  What I have inside my thoughts and emotions bursts from my pores to share with others.  I catch myself thinking of what others will say about what I write and I remind myself that I cannot carry who they are inside and they have their own journey to walk.

My disagreements with others are turning into the truth of who I am and the freedom of this knowledge brings me to a new understanding about myself.  I am humbled through this process with gratitude that brings me a strength from what lies inside.  I see the pain that others experience as their journey with the ability to give them a new understanding through my words.  I find that as I speak the truth to others, the words activate something inside of them to find what they seek as well.  I now know that it is in all of us and it is my responsibility to give pieces of my strength to those who will listen.  I have been given a gift that I must share.  I am opening the blinds to my eyes with caution so that it does not overwhelm me with the light as I share what has been given to me.