Saturday, August 23, 2014

The Darkness of Uncertainty

My thoughts shine bright like the afternoon sun with shadows of despair as Tuesday’s surgery looms in the distance. I see myself walking onward with glimpses of my faith that sparkle as the butterfly that passes by. The shadows of dread cover parts of my path today as I prepare for what lies before me. Regardless of the outcome of this surgery, I will be forever changed. If it is not cancer, I will be making new promises to the God of my understanding regarding the care I give to my body (or lack thereof) as I find a new appreciation for who I am in human form.

Do I dare to think that I may have to make the decision to go through chemotherapy yet again? Either path I look towards on this journey as I prepare for Tuesday, I ensure that I carry the necessities. I feel numb as I take yet another trip into the thoughts of cancer in my mind. I have my faith that I carry with me at all times. This faith is the light that I shine into the darkness that lies all around me. I have freewill to stand in this light or to move into the darkness of uncertainty that shadows my faith.

I have freewill to develop any sort of relationship I choose with the source of all creation. My God lets me grow any way I choose. As I stand at the crossroad with my faith shining brightly, I look towards both roads with one leading towards cancer and I know that whichever path I travel on Tuesday, I am not alone this time.

I am forever changed because my God is there all around me shining through the darkness of uncertainty. I look at the edges of the darkness and see my fear as the way to gain strength to move forward because of the darkness. There is nothing else to do but keep moving on and I choose to view the crossroad of this realization as the next step on my spiritual journey in my attempts to develop the highest level of awareness I can find while in human form on my path towards love.

“The thoughts that lead you to this path of fear will trail all the way back to a time when you had no knowledge of how to fight against the fear. You experienced the fear from the beginning to find the part inside of you that can grow into a love that is ever evolving in your life.  How can you know the love without knowing what it is not?”—The Sword and the Shield 

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