I continue to write every day and I am in the process of making the changes for the gallery that holds the text for the body of the book. I planned on having all the changes completed by this past weekend. Unfortunately, I received news this past Friday that delayed my plans. I will be going through surgery on August 26th at 9:30am with the hopes that what is removed is not cancer "again". This experience has brought me to a new place within my thoughts as to why I feel as though I am going in circles. It is nothing like when I had a double mastectomy but it brings back all those old feelings. Part of me is struggling with the whole thought of death and why I am faced with possible cancer yet again. All the anxiety that was finally gone after two years since my last scare slowly seeps into my thoughts. I go back and forth within my mind as I remind myself that I am experiencing all this for spiritual growth. Why do I have to experience such fear that my body may have to go through chemotherapy and radiation again? How do I keep the faith in Something Greater that I write about every day? I tell myself that I am faced with this experience because it is leading me to a greater connection in my relationship with the God of my understanding.
I have decided to write my thoughts down every day as I go through this procedure and how it affects me as a result. Today I have been sad. Yesterday felt like a dream. Saturday I worked and was so busy with preparing for school with my daughter that I didn’t have time to think about it. Friday, August 15, was when I was told that I needed to have two spots removed from the same area that I had the cancer back in 2010. The difference this time is that God is in my life and the hope and faith of what is promised as long as I allow God to take over my decisions brings me a purpose in all this mess. I am taking only the day this time and not worrying about “what if”. I am not shutting the door on the past nor having any regrets. I am reminding myself that I am right where I am supposed to be. Acceptance brings me to a peace inside as I fight with the anxiety of the terrible word called “Cancer”.