The Vulnerability

Today I felt as though the thoughts were like rushing waters after the dam has burst. I reflect on the day and how I question the vulnerability of my body as I went into surgery. I thought about what cancer has been in my life since my initial diagnosis in 2010 and who I am because of this disease. Not only did I go through a double mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation, I also went through divorce and recovery from addiction as I went through treatment for cancer all at the same time.

The surgeon thinks the tumors that were removed are scar tissue and that I do not have to worry about cancer for now <sigh>. The thoughts trickle into streams of relief as well as sadness for what cancer has brought into my life. Is the greater good to show others how to take the fear of such a diagnosis and turn it into a love that can heal from the inside-out?

“Then the day will come to you when you will find, your thoughts have healed you inside.  You will then be able to feel the source that lies within your mind.  This source will bring you the sun that will shine inside.  How do you show the spirits how this makes you feel?  This source you hold as a secret will force you to decide.  Do you seek for more and learn what it can do?  All the spirits watch to see what you will do.” –Love by Lisa Hynes

My Thoughts

**(Pray for me at 7:30 am)

I feel the strength stirring inside me as I prepare for tomorrow. I look behind me at all the stops along the way that have filled me full of love. With each time I stop for love, I move forward to find more. I realize that it is not about the people who have come and gone in my life. It is about what I took from those experiences that makes me who I am today.

It gives me strength to get up off my knees as I humbly ask my God to give me courage to face my fears today; even as I recall the events that were not what they appeared to be because of who I am today. I know that it was all necessary to get to this place inside my thoughts. I see the one constant in all this and it is my thoughts.

“When we have courage, the strength will come like dew that is lifted by the morning sun rise.  Vocalizing our truth will become important as the strength will stir the feelings of integrity and pride for all we stand for in our world.  The anxiety and fear will disappear as we find that through our window of desperation Something Greater brings us a new perspective on who we are and what we are doing in our life.” –Desperation by Lisa Hynes

 

To Heal

I was woken up at 3:33am and then again at 5:55am with thoughts of the prophet Jesus in my mind. It is said the he is the son of God. He healed the blind and raised the dead. He broke the barrier between the spirit world and this dimension. He said that what he did, we could also. He changed the physical world with his thoughts of faith in what God is capable of doing.

I am amazed at the things that Jesus did and taught while he was in human form. He healed others that were instantly changed by his touch and his words. How does faith cure the sick and heal the dying? Jesus said that what he did, we could do also. He is the key for me to unlock the door of how to heal. Just as I look to the angels for protection, I look to Jesus as the way to heal. He is an example of what the spirit is capable of in human form. He defied gravity and walked on water. Many say that these stories are not true. All I know is that I experience a feeling of hope when thinking that Jesus taught a way to worship the Creator of All and bring this source into this dimension to love and heal all who will believe. Do I dare to believe that this world that Jesus talked about can heal the dying?

I recall the day I realized that there is something out there listening to my thoughts. I was at first scared and looked around to see how a prayer I said over and over appeared in a painting. I questioned the probability of such an experience to be slim-to-none. As my awareness grew, events became like a movie in my head. I looked for verification that I had not lost my mind. I started to define the thoughts that caused me fear. I went back to the beginning of those fears. As I noticed the greater good of the cycle from fear to love, I realized I was different after the completion of each cycle. The leap in my awareness was astronomical as I found peace within my thoughts. The more I felt this presence all around me, the better I felt.

I thought I wanted to die when I found out I had breast cancer. I was alone inside my thoughts at that time and I had no purpose within myself. Today I sit alone yet I am not alone and I know that I am creating in this dimension with a world that I have yet to understand. I now have a purpose and I know that my thoughts about who I am are all I have. All the expectations placed upon me do not define who I am with “Me”.

I choose to believe that Jesus broke the barrier between the spirit world and our dimension. I choose to believe that Jesus healed the sick and raised the dead because of the documented accounts from those who witnessed his abilities. I choose to see my thoughts and beliefs in these occurrences as a way to heal myself.  

Do I dare to believe that a man named Jesus showed us how to heal? I know I feel better by believing that such things can occur and I have healed myself from cancer and lupus after becoming aware that there is a world within my thoughts that alters my reality.

This time I have God that is showing me how to accept right where I am as I look within a world that shows me a different view. A view that is full of love and heals me inside, if only for the day.

“If you look inside the view that shows you another place, you will see the part of you that shows you all the love.  This place will be inside your mind and only you can find it.  All the misery that you can hold will then become a dream.  The view will change in the blink of an eye as you find the love.  The colors will become a clue that you have found this view. “—The View by Lisa Hynes

The Darkness of Uncertainty

My thoughts shine bright like the afternoon sun with shadows of despair as Tuesday’s surgery looms in the distance. I see myself walking onward with glimpses of my faith that sparkle as the butterfly that passes by. The shadows of dread cover parts of my path today as I prepare for what lies before me. Regardless of the outcome of this surgery, I will be forever changed. If it is not cancer, I will be making new promises to the God of my understanding regarding the care I give to my body (or lack thereof) as I find a new appreciation for who I am in human form.

Do I dare to think that I may have to make the decision to go through chemotherapy yet again? Either path I look towards on this journey as I prepare for Tuesday, I ensure that I carry the necessities. I feel numb as I take yet another trip into the thoughts of cancer in my mind. I have my faith that I carry with me at all times. This faith is the light that I shine into the darkness that lies all around me. I have freewill to stand in this light or to move into the darkness of uncertainty that shadows my faith.

I have freewill to develop any sort of relationship I choose with the source of all creation. My God lets me grow any way I choose. As I stand at the crossroad with my faith shining brightly, I look towards both roads with one leading towards cancer and I know that whichever path I travel on Tuesday, I am not alone this time.

I am forever changed because my God is there all around me shining through the darkness of uncertainty. I look at the edges of the darkness and see my fear as the way to gain strength to move forward because of the darkness. There is nothing else to do but keep moving on and I choose to view the crossroad of this realization as the next step on my spiritual journey in my attempts to develop the highest level of awareness I can find while in human form on my path towards love.

“The thoughts that lead you to this path of fear will trail all the way back to a time when you had no knowledge of how to fight against the fear. You experienced the fear from the beginning to find the part inside of you that can grow into a love that is ever evolving in your life.  How can you know the love without knowing what it is not?”—The Sword and the Shield 

The Horse of Serenity

Today I fight with my thoughts and it is taking great effort to look inside myself for meaning. It is like a battle in my mind with all my fears at the forefront trying to conquer what little serenity I have. It is as if a force is trying to break my faith that is dark and full of anger. As I muster up the thoughts of who I am because of my faith, slowly the serenity comes into view. It gallops out into the sun where my faith lies and it holds the sword of honesty and the shield of hope and faith as it battles with the darkness that lies inside of me.

The sword of honesty cuts through the anger that I hold because of my past and because of my up-coming surgery. It shows me the greater good of this thing called life. The serenity gallops onward like the grace of a horse that rides away after the battle has been won. I stand in the middle of the battlefield looking in awe at what this horse of serenity is doing for me. The sword of honesty cuts through all the pain and anguish that now lies at my feet. The shield of hope and faith is now in my hand shining proudly for all to see.

The darkness curls up in the corner of my mind waiting for the opportunity to seep into my soul and take the spark of life I have found to turn it into a storm that rages inside of me. I look towards the God of my understanding who promises to give me the wisdom to know what I can change and the courage to carry those thoughts for change out into action. As long as I remind myself that all I do is for my Creator, the protection surrounds me to do just that for today only.

I see this horse of serenity galloping around me all in white and the rider is an extension of my God that forms into an image that I can understand. The rider is the spirit of God that leads me into a place within my thoughts that sparkles with all the faith that I can find today.

As I stand in the middle of the battlefield, all the regrets and all the thoughts of not being worthy enough lie around this field reflecting back to me as the parts that are dying and have no life left inside of me. I breathe in the air and stand with my hands outstretched towards the sky. The spirit swirls around me in the wind and as I breathe, the horse of serenity becomes a part of me.

This graceful white horse of serenity gallops around me to ensure that all my dying regrets and thoughts of worthlessness that lie on the battlefield in my mind do not affect this feeling of peace that now consumes me.

The rider on the horse of serenity holds the sword of honesty that cuts through any thoughts that try to touch the peace that I have found. As I stand with my arms outstretched to the sky with the shield of hope and faith that shine in the sunlight of my path, I know that this part of me can never be taken away by anyone because my God promises me that I am never alone even in my thoughts.

“With good intensions as you seek for love, the pain of yesterday turns into strength and courage for today.  There will come a day when you will understand how all this pain brought you to a level within your mind that you no longer need to suffer with your thoughts.”—The Shield of Love by Lisa Hynes