As I go through
the search for who I am in this life, each day is different. Some days I see my
God holding the universe in his hands and blowing love from his lips into all
the space that exists. Some days I see my God in other people that may even
just smile at me when passing by. Some days I feel my God crawling through my
body and out into my view. Some days the birds hold messages that come from
other worlds. Some days I can see the impact of the knowledge that there is no
time and all the colors sparkle as I bring these other realms into my
consciousness for that moment. There are periods of being connected with the
universe as I see other dimensions looking down upon me. The wind will speak
the whispers of love. The rain will reflect my sorrow or my joy depending upon
how I feel at the time. The thunder will speak to me for attention as my God
shows me His power.
The more I
become aware of my connection with creation, my reality changes. When I reflect
on who I was before I knew this world was there, the passion flows inside my
heart and body as I remember the times of darkness. I remember the day I
realize that I only have the moment and nothing else matters. I was standing in
a corridor that leads to several doors in a hospital. I was thinking that I
could not think another thought or do another thing and I stood there crying
with no relief in sight. I called my cousin who told me to look at my foot. I
didn’t have any idea of how this would help but I did what he suggested because
I just wanted to die at that moment. I stood there looking at my foot and
realized that all my past and all that could happen was not there with me at
that moment. I just stood in the same spot for at least 10 minutes before I
became aware of the echo of my breath. I did not know God at that time in my
life but I felt a presence that encased my entire body and within a blink of an
eye I felt better.
The anxiety left
me and I was able to gather myself together to continue through that day of
darkness. When I reflect on days like that (there were many) I now understand
why I had such experiences. To reach my desperation for change was needed and
all the strength of who I now am comes from such experiences. On the days I
forget where I come from, I take such memories out into the forefront of my
thoughts so I can compare those times to who I am today. I take those memories
of darkness to shine the light that God gives me into them for others who may
need hope for their own struggles.
Each time I took
a few minutes to focus on my body and reminded myself that I am right here in
this moment and nowhere else, I was able to fight with the thoughts of just
wanting to die. Each time I breathed in, I would hold the air inside my lungs
and look at my hands, my feet and the moment would change. The thoughts of not
being good enough, that I do not matter to anyone or I am a failure would
disappear as I began to realize the miracle of being in this body. I had to experience
the feelings of desperation to know the love that has been given to me all
along. My love affair with my God is different every day. One the days I do not
feel this presence, I reflect on my darkness so I can see this light that I now
know was always there, waiting to shine. I am the tool for this world and take
my past filled with darkness to shine the light for others so they can use it
for themselves.
The search for
who I am is becomes a search for us all. We are in this thing called life together
and we are the vessels for this unseen world. All we have been makes us who we
are. We have to know the darkness to understand the light when it shines like
the stars in the night-time sky. The last few years have lead me into a world
that I will never understand. I take what I can grasp for myself and give the
rest to my God. I accept that the knowledge I have is for what I need at this
time. Each day I am given a little more insight into why I am here. Each day I
am given a little more insight into why I am here. The end of times is upon us
and there is a time coming that will fulfill all the prophesies written of our
world.
When I am given
information, I am amazed that it can be found in the Bible. I write about the
lawless one, for example. I did not know who the lawless one was until I looked
it up in the Bible. I write about the unveiling, the armor for end of days and
the spiritual war. I very anxious when writing about these topics but I am told
by my God that I am to continue learning about these upcoming events to help
prepare us for what is coming. Some people do not understand what I write and
ask me why I put so much time into such things. I have very little free time as
I work fulltime and have two children that demand my attention. I stay up late
at night and my average 4 hours of sleep to get this information to those who
need it. I am told with urgency that we are in a time period that will reveal
the world behind the veil.
Those who call
out to a savior to help them during this tie must reach in desperation for the
light to see the truth of who they are. Those who do not care and only look
towards the darkness will separate into a world that will not be sustained in
the world of those in the light. Our world is going to shift and the polarities
of the light and dark will be physically seen. It will be like pouring oil into
water and the two will separate. Those in the darkness will not even see the
separation. Those in the light will shield their thoughts as they release the
despair for those who do not want the knowledge. The separation begins for the
end of days.
